TEMPER TANTRUMS

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WHAT IS A TEMPER TANTRUM?

We have all seen or experienced a child having a temper tantrum. They often are kicking, screaming, laying on the floor, and even holding their breath.

WHY DO CHILDREN HAVE TEMPER TANTRUMS?

Children between the ages of 2 to 4 years old have not developed emotionally or physically enough to handle certain situations. Their way to handle it is to have ‘emotional meltdowns’. Children at this age (2-4) are constantly exploring and discovering new things. They have the ability to climb, run, grasp objects, and know what they want. Your job as a parent is to keep them safe as they are discovering not only the world around them, but their ability to navigate this world. Your concern for their safety and their desire to experience new things often sets you and your child on a collision course, as you and your child clash over what they can and can’t do.

Your toddler also is experiencing frustration because they have a limited vocabulary and at this age, they may not have the ability to understand complex sentences when you try to explain or reason with them. They just know you are telling them they can’t have something they want. As your child’s verbal skills become more developed, their frustration will be less and the temper tantrums will become less frequent.

HOW SHOULD YOU HANDLE YOUR CHILD’S TEMPER TANTRUMS?

Some effective strategies you can use to lessen and prevent temper tantrums:

You are a role model for your child. As your child develops, they learn how to handle frustrating situations by watching you. If you yell, throw things, or use physical violence, then this is how your child will handle like situations. Therefore, it is important that you remain calm when your child is having a ‘meltdown’. If possible, walk away from the child. They will soon learn that they are not getting your attention or their desired results.

If your child is having a screaming temper tantrum in public do not give in to the temptation to give them what they want just to get them to stop. If you do give them what they want, they will soon learn that they can get their way if they have a temper tantrum in a store or other public place.

When you are at home walk away from the child and explain that you can’t understand him when he is behaving this way.
Time out is often a good way of helping the child learn to control their emotions. (1 minute per age of child is recommended) Make sure you tell the child why they are in time out.

For example: You are in time out because you threw your blocks at your sister. We don’t throw our toys.

Teach your child how to make choices. Give them the opportunities to choose what activities, clothes, food etc. they want. Just a word of warning: Limit the choices to what is acceptable to you.

For example: Ask your child, “would you like the blue shirt or the red shirt today?” Do not ask them what they would like to wear as they may choose their bathing suit in the middle of winter!

If possible, redirect your child’s attention to something else. Give the child advanced warning when you are going to do something.

For example: You can go down the slide two more times and then we have to leave.

Be realistic in your expectations for your child.

For example: Expecting a toddler to sit quietly waiting for their meal at a crowded restaurant will cause both frustration for you and the child. Prepare ahead of time with something for the child to do.

For example: Load a child’s game onto your phone and allow the child to play with it while waiting for their meal.

Always reward good behavior. For example: I am proud of you that you are sharing your blocks with your sister.

WHEN WILL TEMPER TANTRUMS END?

As your child grows and develops (usually by 4 years old), they become better at communicating with you. They have a bigger vocabulary and have learned how to use their words to ask for what they want. They have a better understanding of your explanations on why they can or cannot do something. They are also developing self-control and learning how to control their emotions in a more acceptable way.

Resource

medicineNet.com Temper tantrums John Mersch, MD, FAAP
http://www.medicinenet.com/temper_tantrums/article.htm