BULLYING
WHAT IS BULLYING?
Bullying is the intentional tormenting in physical, verbal, or psychological ways. It can range from hitting, shoving, name calling, threats, and mocking to extorting money or possessions. Some children bully by shunning others or spreading rumors. Older child can use technology to harass other children. The effects of bullying can be serious and affect children’s self-worth and future relationships.
WHY DO CHILDREN BULLY?
Children may pick on other children because they act or appear different. They also bully to feel more important, popular, or in control. They may torment other children because that is the way they have been treated. They may believe that their behavior is normal because they come from families or settings where everyone regularly gets angry, shouts, or calls names.
IDENTIFYING BULLYING IN A CHILD
Especially in young children, it can be difficult to identify examples of bully behavior. Unless the child tells you about bullying or has visible bruises or injury, it may be difficult to figure what is happening. Here are some of the warning signs that a child is being bullied:
• The child is acting differently and seems anxious
• The child is not sleeping
• The child is not interested in doing things they usually enjoy
• The child seems moody
• The child is easily upset
• The child will avoid situations like getting on the bus
CHILDREN ARE OFTEN RELUCTANT TO TELL ADULTS ABOUT BULLYING
If a child tells you about a bully at home, at school, or in your childcare, focus on giving comfort and support. Children can often be reluctant to tell their parents about bullying but will confide in you. Children may be reluctant to tell their parents because:
• They feel it’s their own fault because they look or act differently
• They may be frightened if they tell, the bully will get mad and make things worse
• Some children may be afraid that their parents or provider will not believe them
• They may feel why tell, nobody can do anything about it
• They may believe that they will be urged to fight back and they are afraid to do so
When a child gets up the courage to tell you they are being bullied, praise the child for being brave enough for talking about it. Let the child know they are not alone, a lot of people get bullied and it is not their fault, it is the bully who is behaving badly. Reassure the child that you will help them figure it out together.
WHEN YOU IDENTIFY THE BULLY
• Take the bullying seriously.
• Let the parents know what is happening.
• If the bullying is occurring in your childcare, address it immediately.
• You may have to talk with the bullied child’s parents along with the bully’s parents. If you do not get cooperation from the bully’s parents, you may have to drop the bully from your program.
WHAT CAN YOU AS A PROVIDER DO?
• Provide a secure attachment to all the children in your program
• Closely monitor children’s behavior and aggression
• Closely monitor your own child’s behavior and aggression
• Provide appropriate models for conflict resolution, such as using words to express feelings
• Encourage autonomy and independence in children
• Be concerned and responsive regardless of whether or not it’s your own child who is the bully or victim.
• In case of a school age child, involve the school if the abusive behavior continues.
• Incorporate anti-bullying activities into your program
Many times our own children may feel possessive, jeaIous, or angry when they see us paying attention to another child, therefore it is important to objectively listen and address any negative behavior you see from your own child.